Saturday, April 13, 2013

First photoshoot

Tomorrow will be my first ever photo-shoot  I'll first start of behind the scene's of "Lil Missy". Who is a really good friend of mine, who loves to rap and make her own music. Mostly it'll be me getting familiar with Manual mode and playing around with my camera. The real photo shoots are gonna be may 1st and 2nd for the website I'm making. 

Myself and a friend are going into business together. She getting her makeup certificate and in November her hair styling one. I'm going to start branching out into more photography. It's something I've always wanted to do, but I think I need help with the push. I need to be positive and realize that there will be some failures and that this isn't going to be easy; nor will money be coming in right away. 

The first year I'll be putting in more money towards the business than making any.



Friday, April 12, 2013

169.02

It's been a busy week, Saturday I picked out my little angel. (see post below). I've jogged for 20 minutes straight both Tuesday and Wednesday (yay progress.) It kind of helped given the mood I've been in. 

I got rid of two very toxic people that I've kept in my life for so long, so now yet again I'm going through the hurt and sadness from it. It's for good this time because a great friend told me. In order for me to be able to move on and allow myself to love again, I need to remove the toxic dysfunctional people in my life. I need to realize that once in a while it's okay to be sad, that it's okay to miss something that was once there and to think about it. It's not going to be easy, but the hardest part is forgiving myself. 5 years wasted on one of my greatest loves; thus far yet biggest disappointment in my life, as well as three years with a no body. 

One was a pathological lair, who created a double life (fantasy) because he couldn't cope with his pathetic real life. The other one admitted to me that he couldn't handle me and can only tolerate me in small dosages. 

On positive notes:

~This week I've removed Toxic people.
~I will have worked out 6 times this week. Tues, Wed 20 minute jogs. Thursday, Friday and Saturday with my trainer and Sunday bikham yoga. 

By the end of this month, I'd like to be at 160. 

Until next time.

DB





Harlow

Thursday, April 4, 2013

172.8

It's going to officially have to become a "force" to workout and lose weight.

Life is different now because I now have a roommate which I think is part of the reason as to why this time around it's hard. She wants to lose weight as do I, only thing is she won't workout with me, go jog with me or anything. I couldn't figure out the reason as to why? 

I mention crossfit to her once, she said "why would I do that?" Others mention it, she says she "wants to try that!". I mention starting C25k back in December  she said "No because theirs snow on the ground." but now she's attempting to do it with someone else. She mentioned she needed a trainer like mine, I invited her for a session and she had an excuse. It's probably something to do with me? 

The kitchen seems to always be a mess, the counters are never cleaned so I don't want to cook. So I guess I'm going to have to write a list of things I need to do for a "better" living situation for myself. I don't plan on moving out anytime soon. We are friends, mostly get a long and we both have a good deal on the house. It's just certain things I need to get passed mentally in order to accomplish my goals. 


1 - Use only my dishes (we both have our dishes in the cupboard) but if I only use mine, it'll help me distinguish between her's and mine mess. 

2- Clean up my mess right away. (If she's left a mess, pile it all on the other side of the counter to keep an area clean. 

3 - Wake up at 5am and go for a jog. (I kind of need to do this anyways for when I get my puppy, she can get her morning exercise before I head off to work for 12 hours.) I only work 2 days shifts, then 2 night shifts (so I'll wake up at 5pm on my nights). 4 days off. 

4- My eating habits need to change drastically. 

5 - I need to clean my room and keep it that way.

6 - I've started a journal for my journey where I can paste pictures and write about my thoughts and progress...

Well I'm off, I'll update again soon.

-DB

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Starting over yet again...

Hello all my follower's, it has been quiet some time since I've written. 

I'm back up in weight 170 pounds, I hope all of you have been successful or close to being successful on your journey's where I am re-starting over yet again...I'm tired of it and yet I'm doing it again.

In Jan I decided I couldn't do this on my own anymore, so I got a personal trainer (who is reasonably cheap, creditable and works with us.) We began working out, then decided to do Hapkido. I told him that my goal date is May 23rd and I want to be 140 pounds... This is when I thought I was still 160. I was wrong, stepping on the scale the other day I'm at 169! I haven't lost anything in the last three months since starting this training. 

I can't really blame anyone but myself since I work shift work my eating habits have been disgusting! I do have to admit I've been feeling pretty light the last two days and my work pants which seemed to be getting tighter each day, have been feeling pretty loose the last two!

On none weight loss events.

I'm finally getting a puppy! I get to pick her out on April 6th! After the previous litters only having males, and I preferred a female. I finally get one! I'll be getting her in May close to my birthday which I'm totally stoked about!

Hope everyone is doing good! I'll try to post every so often to keep ya'll up to date!

-DB

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Happiness all around

Well I guess it's better to have one HUGE blog post than not hearing from me in months. LOL. I broke this one up in categories so whichever you prefer to read or not you can easily skip through the stuff that doesn't interest you. 

Weight loss:
Just for you guys I've decided to step on the scale this morning and before I tell you the number I'm going to say I'm not surprised. Last weekend I had a 4 day weekend it was awesome but I was so bored I didn't know what to do with myself other than be lazy and eat out..I had Macdonalds at least three times, subway, Taquito's from 7/11 and ice coffee and lots of pop. wtf right?! I was also very lazy lazy oh TOM was also there he was't too pleasant with me this month either.

So this morning after not stepping on a scale for a while I decided to step on it because I looked so friggen thin in the mirror and the verdict was...157! I'm not mad, I'm not even slightly disappointed because the fact is this month I've done next to nothing and my diet has been shit. This month I've been able to maintain under 160 and I'm 157 today so I'm happy at my maintain accomplishment! yay me! But I know that just because I am maintaining and eatting shit it will eventually turn around and blow up like a Balloon. When I got back to work Tuesday I've been eating a lot less trying to control my hunger and tell my body I don't need THAT much food, just enough to be satisfied with no hunger pains.

Jobs:
I had a three day weekend but decided to take a 4 day weekend because TOM started Thursday and as usual my cramps we're a bitch so I took Friday off. Given the fact Monday was a holiday I had an enjoyable last two weeks of work, both were only 4 days. To my shock my Boss wrote a final goodbye email which was nice to the company to let them know I was leaving. Trust me I was VERY shocked and very awed about it. I wasn't expecting it. As usually I thought I was just going to get a nice knowing you quick kick out the door. Because two years ago when I was running away and quit to move back home, I got nothing not even really a goodbye. Of course 4 months later I call back to see if they we're hiring and wanted to take me back. They did, so a total of 4 years (minus the 6 month hiatus) I worked with the company.

I had my exit interview which I think went well of course my boss was nervous. The last girl who went out bashed everyone she could which of course resulted in the vice president and the president of the company to get involved to and gave people a lot of shit. Of course she was just a punk kid with no purpose who felt the need to burn her bridges. It happens. Also given my colourful out right personality people expected me to have done the same thing when the reality is. I speak my mind and when I have a problem you know it, but I'm not going to go into an exit interview to shit on everyone. The people who truly know me, know I have class and I'm not the horrific bitch that my enemies and frienemies portray me to be. The move they did was the best move for me in the long run. They took me out of my comfort zone so I would get my ass out there and take a chance. So can I really be mad? Yes. but am I mad? Nope. I was over it after a week but I had already had my interview and even after a month I still didn't like it much in the other building.

Everyone signed a card for me wishing me the best. So many people told me they we're going to miss me and we had Cake. My bossed thanked me for not going in with knives to stab everyone in the back. I said I wouldn't because I could have been fired a long time ago with the way I reacted or even some of the shit I pulled. It works both ways, I wan't the perfect employee and I'm a mouth piece. I know that. Just like they aren't the perfect bosses.

I got an email around 9pm Friday night telling me where the course next week is going to take place. There's something in the email stating I need my passport photo and my original police check which I don't have. I was told to only worry about the second page because I already had my license. Sooo Now I'm like WTF?! I will email the guy later and ask him see what he say's.

I'm really excited for this change, I left my job on wicked terms next week I have my course. It just amazes me two years ago I was 180 pounds, unhappy, heart broken, lost and in so much debt. I felt stuck but made the move to come back out to Alberta anyways to start fresh. It's been a bumpy road with two, sometimes three jobs but I have all my creditor's (except one) paid off, and I'm well on my way to having a fresh start. I'm 23 pounds down, my confidence level is up high, I feel like I've found myself again. I'm happy and I no longer feel I'm stuck. I've come a really long way to where I was a couple of years back. I feel like a whole new person and it's great! Wish me luck!

Boys:

Has anyone ever been in a situation where you we're hanging out with someone (I call it hanging out unless the guy has at least brought me out on one date.) but you weren't sure if you liked him or not? I'll call him Motorhead and I met off a dating website. (the last retard left that I had been talking to before deleting my account.) He's nice but sort of wishy washy. Thursday of last week he came over and was late of course but I'm willing to accept that Flaw I guess for the time beinging since he has had some shit going on...But I called in sick and then kicked him out around 11:30 he didn't understand why since I wasn't working the next day. But really hanging out in my place is boring. I get bored, we we're drinking we weren't doing anything but chit chatting and watching tv. I didn't even want to watch a movie. (TOM had just started so I tend to be pretty F'in moody).

I finally had a 4 day weekend he wanted to hang out Saturday night like later on and when he asked me this, it was 8 O'clock at night. I said no, we can hang out tomorrow (as in the Sunday) in early evening because of course he told me if he didn't get to work on his truck it makes him sad. I was annoyed and asked him what his deal was with evenings, why can't we hang out during the day? Of course his answer was he works all week, evenings are for relaxing and on weekends he likes to work on his truck. I told him he apparently wakes up at 6am every day so work on your truck early morning and hang out in the afternoon? Nope that didn't work for him. Just because he likes to relax in the evenings, I don't like to relax with someone. I relax all the time whenever I have time to and I can entertain myself more by myself and do my own thing.

So Sunday came around and I texted him after walking Chloe cause my friend and I went for a 4 hour drive in total to go see the dogs she wants. He said two words to me but nothing about hanging out. So I went off doing my own thing Sunday evening and didn't even ask him about it. On Monday morning I got an apology about not hanging out sunday and I ignored it. Simply because all he had to say on Sunday evening was I prefer to work on my truck and help my friend out than hang out with you right now.

We we're suppose to chill yesterday and I cancelled because well again he wanted to hang out at my house. Because he's oh so broke to take me anywhere, yet he can make trips out of town, go out for a beer and a bite with friends...but with me it's lets just hang? haha So I told him I didn't feel like hanging out tonight but tomorrow after I'm done work would be good. I also no longer want to hang out in my house I want to go out and do something. He said something free. I said fine. We've decided drinks at a park by the river which is cool I guess. I don't like to drink when I have to drive so it'll be water for me plus I don't feel like going out and buying booze. To be honest I don't know what he's thinking but he apparently really likes me. I'm indifferent to the situation. But I'll keep you guys posted.

Roomates:

So my friend and I have possibly decided to become roomates in December. Problem is she's only thinking about herself and my new job is possibly way down south of the city so of course I want to move closer. Given a lot of shit that's happened and her admitting to sabotaging me has made me become vary weary of her. It's like when things go good in her life she'll support me but as soon as things are shit...it's sabotage. We've barely hung out the last two months than all of a sudden boyfriend issues come along (shocker...) she comes clinging back and than once he's okay with her again she pisses off. I dislike people like that to a degree because I'm not here to be your good friend while you fuck me over.

I'm allergic to her cat and she honestly told me she didn't think me wanting to sign ONLY a 6 month lease just in case I wanted to move to BC next summer was a good reason to not sign a year. wtf? If I only want to sign 3 months for whatever reason is a good reason. So she started making other demands which I shut her down with quickly. To be honest this friendship isn't solid enough to move in together, and it's going to end because I don't want to move in with her. Or it's going to go south pretty quickly once we move in together. I have huge doubts about this, only because I've lived alone for so long and the first and last time I had a roomate who was a friend...well we're not longer friends because she screwed me over. Do I think this friend will screw me over? In a heart beat so I think once I start my new job and see the distance in driving I will get a good feel as to where I want to move. I will then tell her this is the area where I'm moving no questions about it, so if you want to be roomates still cool. If not oh well.

She doesn't want to move far from her hot yoga studio because she feels the farther she is the lack of motivation she'll have to go. No offense she doesn't go now and since she restarted her weight loss in Feb she's lost nothing, and EVERYTIME she's with me she want's junks it's like a sabotage because I do good. She definitely doesn't support me and my journey but expects me to care about her. It doesn't make sense to me. Anyways I guess it's pretty clear which root I'm going to head into the next few weeks but do you guys have any opinions on how to break it to her? I'm in a lose-lose situation either way so feel free to leave your opinions. :P

Thanks for reading, everyone have a wonderful weekend.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

It's been a while :)

Things have been going really well for me you'll be updated by my weight loss, job process and boys all in this order. LOL

First thing is I've stayed away from the scale, week in and week out it's been the same damn number 156-159 so I decided to stay away from it for a while and go by with what I feel and see in the mirror. I believe that's a more healthier approach for me because the scale just depresses me. It's fine though when I'm ready to get fully back into I will. For now I'll just watch what I eat and continue to eat smaller portions. Now that being said I'm working my way up mentally to do a 10 day master cleanser (completely fail as I eat a MacDonald breakfast LOL) but I figured with everything goings well for me lately I may as well completely cleanse my body of all the toxins. Of course so when I start my new job everything will feel brand new? I'm trying to mentally prepare myself...

So I gave my two weeks notice at my full time job on Friday. My course started Aug 13-17th and I know a lot of people are asking "well what if you fail?" well now I CAN'T fail because I have nothing to fall back on and I doubt I would fail. I know the people asking that really don't want me to leave my current position because I'm well liked but you know what in the long run it'll benefit me the best. The hospital security was always my back up plan if the 911 - dispatching didn't pan out. The only difference is instead of waiting to get on with Protection services right away (I've applied 18 times and nothing.) I decided to get into contract security for the hospital, start at the bottom and work my way up. (Turns out the reason why I wasn't getting hired was because the contracted security who was working we're getting the protection services jobs.) I've also never really feared starting from the bottom and busting my ass up to get to the top again. The pay cut isn't drastic and within 3 months I'll be pretty much making the same amount of money I am at my current job. I also have my debt under control with the exception of one creditor. So I don't feel stuck anymore, I have my savings account going up quickly and I'm being smarter money wise. I also got a dollar raise at my part time job which I won't be working at as much once I get my rotation shift of 4 on and 4 off. two days and two nights which is what I would have been doing if I got on with the City. Besides it'll be a nice change not ALWAYS having to work day shift (I hope). I'm really excited!

So someone sent a comment last week when I updated about a boy but gave very little details...Well I'll just start from the beginning because something crazy happened yesterday which NEVER happens to me EVER.

So I met this guy of a dating website and invited him out to dog walk Chloe with me. After we met we didn't talk as much just random text's here and there then all of a sudden last week he's like "hey cutie whats up!?" So we hung out on a Friday night he was sweet and wasn't one of those typical idiots grabbing at me trying to make out with me. But the thing about him is his car stuff comes first. We we're suppose to hang out Tuesday and he told me that he'd get back to me 4:30-5:00ish to let me know if he was able to come for 6 or if he was going to check out this car. 5:30 hits and I decide to create boundaries it's rude to make someone wait and if you still don't know whats going on you text them and let them know. So I made other "plans". 5:45 he texts me and asks whats up? I told him since he didn't get back to me when he said he would, I figured he went to see the car and I made plans.

He asked to hang out later that night I said no I'm busy. He asked about Wednesday I said I was busy but Thursday would be great. So Thursday comes and he was suppose to come by around 7 and we were going to hang out at my place. He hasn't taken me on a date it's just been lets hang out at my place. 7 hits and he tells me he hasn't showered yet and his roomate told him he needed to be out of the house by the end of the month. So he has 5 days to find a place. He ask's if he can come over later. I flat out said no, I get cranky and like my sleep. So for 45 minutes he tried guilt tripping me and then he said how about I come for 8:30? and I said that's fine as long as you don't mind I'll kick you out 10-10:30 the latest.

He told me there's a thing called "live a little". I laughed and shook my head simply because one if we we're actually going out and doing things I'd gladly stay out late, but to have someone just come over and hang out I get tired quickly and we're not at that stage yet. So I made plans with him for this Sunday since Saturday he wasn't willing to change his plans to go out to Edmonton. Which I find a little funny because he can take a road trip out which of course cost money...but to offer to take me out anywhere he's broke? *Shrugs* he wanted to hang out Friday but I said I was busy cause I was (I had a date, which you all will hear about this after this guy.) ...I think that's slightly ticking him off because I'm not available ever second he wants me to be?

So I had a date last night decided to give my friends, friend a shot who is younger. We made plans for around 5ish. 5ish to me mean 4:45-5:15 between that time. Turns out my friends defini of 5ish is between 5-6? That's a pretty vague and anything after the 30 is considered the next timeish. IMO. So I gave him that when he showed up at 5:40 because if my friend things it's between 5-6 then obviously his friend thinks that. So we go on our date sit down at the resturant and he says he has to make a phone call to his buddy to find out if he's working tomorrow. So he picks up the phone and starts talking for about 5 minutes. Deal breaker right there so it was pretty hard for me to act remotely interested after that. After dinner we say Savages which I really liked. He was nice but he was a kid he has a lot of growing up to do and making phone calls on a first date is kind of a no no.

OKAY OKAY so on to OMG THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO ME NEWS....
Friday after work I was chatting up everyone because of course I'm SUPER excited I'm quitting to move on to bigger better things in my life. I stopped by the other security team side and this cute contractor who I've seen around but never had much of a conversation with was standing there. As I walked up I was like "Oh it's only you...okay" and he made a joke, then we joked around and he's like "aww does someone need a hug" and I'm like "ya" so he gives me a quick one arm hug. and I'm going on about myself (cause clearly I'm good at that lmfao) and about how I've quit I'm getting into hospital security etc.. He told me his mother works in childrens hospital and her friend is protection services so if I ever wanted to work with children I may have an in source to get me in. Well as the conversation continued on he asked me if I was single, I said yes then asked for my phone number. We then text and decided to make a date for tonight! I thought I'd work until 5 but I get off earlier. I'll contact him in a bit if he hasn't gotten a hold of me by the time I'm done here.

Well Bloggers thats all for my update! Happy weekend!