Monday, April 30, 2012

Fantastic Weekend!

Good morning ladies (and the odd gent’s that read this)
I have had a fabulous weekend! Though I am up to 161 today, I am okay with that. I shall start with Friday my date. He’s cute, he’s nice and very flattering. A little shorter than me, kind of funny sort of awkward and I think he really likes me. Anyways even though there wasn’t any Za za Zu on that one date, I’m following the advice of a friend who said don’t write him off just yet. Sometimes things bloom later on. I did well at dinner though which made me feel a little bad about, because of course being a guy he probably wanted a beer, but instead sort of followed my healthy route and just got water, and no desert not because of my diet but because well…The deserts never taste that great.  I ordered water with lemon in it and a chopped salad which was tomatoes, chicken, vinaigrette salad dressing, bits and pieces of cream cheese along with water with lemon in it. We then went to see American Reunion which was pretty funny. Over all it was a good “date”. I even managed to get a workout in before it all, because my acupuncturist was sick so I didn’t go do it, but rescheduled for this week.
Saturday I worked but then went camping! It was nice, I got some pretty pictures with my camera but now I need the patience to sit down at my computer at home to sort through them to add them to my photography page on my facebook. I don’t have any pictures up yet, but once I get pictures up I’ll post the link and feel free to like the page :D. I got some really good ones of horses up close! I really want to buy a closer lens for my camera though mine is only 55mm.
Sunday we came back, camping must have exhausted me because I was out by 8pm which is nice considering I work doubles all this week filling in for someone. Twat texted me last night just as I predicted he would text me Sunday. Shocker, he’s still going on with his mom story, which could BE true took the doctors 5 days to figure out what was wrong. He apologized for postponing but she was doing better and I ignored it and just asked about his mother. Jackass. Apparently it was just one of her lungs constricted, but at first he thought it was a heart attack.  I of course being who I am, turned the conversation around on me and starting talking about my Papa (R.I.P) who had multiple heart attacks in his life but and everything else wrong with him he survived for years. Haha...whoops. Listening isn’t my strong suite…not for someone I think is a liar anyways. Haha!
So we don’t get to go to my grandma’s this time around when I go home to visit which is okay, but I really wanted to see my babies (jinx and scruffles) who my psycho ex bought me back in 2008 when we were together. But when I moved back home for 6 months I gave them to my grandma because my mom’s cat would have killed them or tried to and they were already skiddesh and scared of people as it was. Of course I couldn’t take them back after I gave them to my grams so she has them for the time being. Man I cried because even though I was giving them to her I felt like I was abandoning them and that they’d hate me and think I was a horrible mother. They are in a better home for the time being anyways my grams takes amazing care of them!
Okay so here’s the plan for today.
Workout after work, and before job number two
Keep my water intake up

Friday, April 27, 2012


Well my date this evening is the last guy I have chatted with from that dreadful dating website. He seems really weird but so did Mr. Douche before I met him, turns out he was pretty typical and normal in the end! So here’s hoping! I didn’t even have to plan for anything all he said was pick a movie. Then he brought up looking for places for dinner, and I said dinner before the movie maybe better, which he agreed. So we’re meeting at 5:30 and we’ll go from there! I’m a little excited about this. I have acupuncture at 3:30 so I’m definitely going to be hungry! I guess I should get ready before hand and that way I can just leave from my appointment down to the mall were meeting at and miss traffic.
I guess today I will consider my rest day and workout Saturday and Sunday for 30 minutes. I binged Yesterday at bit, I had two slices of cheese cake, a cookie, half a bottle of sprite and a can of Pepsi. Of course all at different times, so it didn’t surprise me to see the scale at 160 this morning. BUT I did workout last night even though I was tired. I didn’t push myself as hard as I have the last three days but I did work out! Everytime I stopped I focused on my sign I made for my wall “Make your supporters proud” and the goal weights I have. I’ll take a picture of it and post it in another blog!
Anyways nothing else to report! I hope you all have a wonderful and safe weekend!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

How Convenient

Apparently Charmings mother went into the hospital in the afternoon. That was his excuse as to why he couldn’t see me. Truth? I think he’s married, because the first time ever we were suppose to me, he apparently got into a car accident. We finally met, then the next time we made plans his friend “killed” herself (and I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn’t a complete fucktard to make something THAT extreme up to get out of a date…) and then the mother things. So he either thinks I’m going to be really dumb and buy all his crap or he has some seriously bad karma that’s just hitting him now. I’m going to go with he’s married and is trying to hide it. Hence why he doesn’t want to take me OUT to dinner but hide me in my house so he can cook dinner. NEXT!
Actually there is someone else I have a date Friday, with a guy who flat out said to me “Would you like to go on a date with me to a movie of your choice.” He’s kind of been on the back burner on my facebook (he’s off the dating site I met the last two bozo’s on) but I never met him so I figure why not?! He’s either going to turn into a douche like the rest or maybe he’s going to turn into something else. Either way, I’m no longer involved with charming. Also my response to his text was just “mmk!” and I left it at that! If he was smart he’d never bother me again.
I was at 158 this morning, which I’m perfectly fine with! I did my workout yesterday, I finished all my house work my place looks amazing. I need to keep things cleaner it makes me feel so much better about myself. I made dinner then relaxed and played snoopy’s street fair on my iphone and chatting with NEW guy for a bit.  I’m so happy it’s Thursday, and I hope you all have a magical day!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Positive Vibes

I feel like I’ve slowly kicked into habit and the key to that success was forcing me to do 30 minute workouts on the weekend. As long as I don’t take more than one day off at a time I feel I’m good. Monday there wasn’t much of a struggle to workout I busted my ass off and even last night around 8:30pm I refused to NOT do my work out so I threw Bob in and within 10 minutes I was dripping sweat. By the end of it I felt amazing! My muscles were sore but I felt good! I come to realize that it doesn’t matter what time it is, if I haven’t done my workout I should get to it. Tonight’s workout will be JM BFBM, I enjoy going back and forth between that one and Bob Harper’s Ultimate Cardio. Jillian video doesn’t use weights at all, Bob’s does so it’s good.
Charming and I will finally be hanging out tonight after three weeks of not getting together. I’m not going to say anything negative though it’s hard not to…I’m just going to enjoy my time with him. I also have positive vibes that I passed my testing yesterday! I felt really good when I left and even going through the test! I can’t wait to see if my positivity was right or if it was just one of those times! Monday will probably be the latest and if I did pass the testing then I will be off to the Panel interview!
Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Disclaimer: the title has nothing to do with my post.
This morning 157.5! Yep I finally passed 159; which is nice because it gets a little depressing when you see the same number on the scale for weeks! I didn’t do C25K on the weekend but I did do JM ripped in 30 on Friday, rest on Saturday and on Sunday JM 30 day shred. So I did do dreadful workouts on the weekend I had to force myself but in the end I felt good that I did them! I’m proud I did them! So let’s see if I can keep this up!
Yesterday I did my JM BFBM video, I had coffee right before I did the workout and it upped my energy so much that I pushed through, kept up and even started the next move before they did because I knew what it was. I felt good, and was flying high. I then blasted some music and danced around my apartment in my underwear and a white t-shirt ha-ha. I felt sexy, it was great!
Today I have my dispatching test again at 4. I’m not really worried if I pass it or not. Truth is if I do GREAT, if I don’t then clearly it’s not the career for me. I’m not worried. I think Charming and I are doing something tomorrow. He hasn’t really mentioned anything and either have I. Seems like lately it’s me texting him and not both of us…I got a huge compliment last night I posted a new picture of me after soo long and this guy messaged me telling me how amazing beautiful I was. Lol We “met” off a dating website but haven’t officially met yet. Because I’m fickle and it was cold out, but he wants to take me out…so I figure now that it’s nice out why the hell not! Haha. We haven’t made plans yet I just returned his message. He works in the rigs, so he’s home for a few weeks then gone for a few weeks at a time. So we’ll see how that goes! I really want to get out to the ZOO this weekend…maybe we can go there?!
Anyways all, I have nothing more to report! Other than I have this urge to pimp up my blog…haha.
Happy Tuesday!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Pictures :0

Progress pictures...The picture of me in the white T-shirt was taken about an hour ago! The scale first time in a long time in the evening has been under 160...159! Normally I'm up in the evening, so I must be doing something right lately! Sometimes I think I still look like the girl below, but clearly looking at the two pictures right now shows I look nothing like that girl!
Everyone have a wicked Monday!

Friday, April 20, 2012

My 3 workouts until I go home!

I have accomplished 3 straight days of working out. Switching from JM BFBM and Bob Harper’s Ultimate Cardio, I tried to do JM no more trouble zones on Wednesday but I couldn’t get into it. So I made dinner then waited a bit and decided I still wanted to work out so I did Bob instead. I used to love Jillian, but the fact is she talks too much, and her gymnastics Barbie girls she has in her video hardly break a sweat and it’s hard to stay motivated. (I bet they do a set and take a break for the next shoot…)Their bodies aren’t even that spectacular to make me go, ooo I wanna look like that.  At least in Bob’s DVD’s his people are sweating, they stop when they need to stop and they look like normal people that aren’t kicking over their heads etc. Also Jillian talks a lot, so it gets a little distracting but I am enjoying her BFBM dvd. I used to love her, but clearly I’ve jumped ship to Team Bob! I love her podcasts though, but listening to her ramble on in a workout video is blah. That’s probably why I’m so hesitant to buy her Body Revolution considering it’s 134.00$ and in her 10 dollar dvd she talks a lot…I’d hate to see how much talking she does in these! Lol
My struggles are the weekend workouts starting Friday, so I figure what I’ll do is C25K Friday to Sunday since I want to be able to run anyways and it’s only 30 minutes, until I get myself into a habit of doing it. It’s beautiful out today and the weekend is supposed to be just as amazing. I’m going home in a couple of weeks and I really need to keep this up. I want people to tell me how amazing I look and how proud they are of me. I want to look good when I go out for my birthday with friends and WANT pictures to be taken of me. I used to LOVE my picture taken…I want to find that girl again who wasn’t camera shy because she wasn’t a fatty.
Speaking of camera’s I think I want to buy a simple point and shoot one. I know I spent 600 on a DSRL camera but it’s really big to lug around and I want a simple small camera to just take out and about with me for random pictures. I’m such a money waster…but whatever…I will get into it sooner or later…I really want to get out on Sunday though and use my awesome camera I wanted so bad and decided to spend 600.00 on lol!
Well blogger’s and stalker readers have a wonderful weekend and I’ll touch base with you all on Monday!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

It's been a few days...

Good morning bloggers, I have attempted to write twice this week and never once finishing or posting the blog. So here I am and I really haven’t had much progress about anything except for small accomplishments without weight loss..until yesterday.
My week has been alright TOM is sort of here (started Sunday…wish it would make up its mind if its wants to bleed or not…I’ve been spotting on and off since Sunday night…) Maybe the acupuncture is helping? I hardly have had any cramps; I’ve hardly had any bleeding maybe today sometime it’ll finally explode?! My moods have not been psychotic; I didn’t want to kill anyone last week. I’m not as moody as I would normally be. (in general…not just TOM time.)
I worked out yesterday (shocking I know…) I had time to spare before my second job, so I popped on some music then threw on Jillian Michaels Banish Fat Boost Metabolism and every time I do this DVD I seriously never finish it! Yesterday I did it from beginning to end, and today? I’m Sore and I’m happy about it! Today I may do JM No more trouble zones and maybe just switch back and forth with these two DVD’s until I get on my flight back to Ontario next month! I figure as long as I continue to have music on I can do it. Plus I hear good things about combining these two DVD’s together.
I’ve also accomplished some other small things this week asides from getting my lazy butt moving! I realized the Bulk Barn is going to be a girls (or anyone looking to lose weight) best friend. It’s a store that sells candies, spices, pastas, whatever you can think off in big bulk bins. You grab a baggy and put as much of something you want in it and buy it. I bought a scoop full of glutton free pasta to try it (I’m not sure if I’m glutton intolerant it’s a hit or miss when I get a stomache) and instead of spending 4.00$ on a package  I may or may not like I spent 69 cents on a scoop full. It’s meh, but I will probably buy it here and there since I’m trying not to eat as much pasta anyways!
Another small accomplishment twice this week, I now bring cash everywhere I go (grocery shopping) and use my phone calculator and calculate everything I put in my cart. (I think it’ll help me save money and two not put anything I don’t need in.) I’m trying to get out of the mentality of “oh I’ll just charge it go the credit card if I don’t have enough money…” So yay me! I know my acupuncturist said to go organic with my meats and my watered veggies and fruit…but not this time. I’ll try that next month. I know I know I should be but the pesticides haven’t killed me yet…LOL
The scale on Sunday said I was 162 (not surprised because I ate SO MUCH on Friday and TOM bloatness…) My goal is to be down to 155 before the 18th of may which will be the lowest my family has seen me in years!
OH OH! I also cleared out my closet! I have half a bag full of clothing I DON’T want or EVER wear to send off to Value Village. My room is trashed though lol but at least my closet is done! Now to accomplish the rest of the house!
Hope you all have a wonderful Hump day!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Happy Friday the 13th!

It has been an eventful morning lots of drunks out this morning that’s for sure, I wonder if they had a post Friday the 13th part last night or something?!  I know today I’m going to a meet up at a pub, I’m excited for that. My friend and I are going for an hour or two she’s has to work a midnight shift and I have to work tomorrow morning so I’m really not in the mood to be out late.  I’m not a huge pub fan but one it’s Friday the 13th and two this pub meetup seems more calming than the other one would have been. (That I completely didn’t show up for) I get anxiety when I have to meet new people, I hate meeting new people especially the ones around my age because all they want to do is drink, but I want to get out more and start to know more people. So Today is my first step to do it. Get all dolled up put on my 6 inch heels do my hair and makeup and go out for a fun time. I’m making myself more excited for this.
I have my second acupuncture appointment at 4 today I’m a little excited about too! This week I’ve switch from coffee to green tea with honey in the morning and you know what? I don’t think I felt a super crash in mid-day from tea than I have been having from coffee. I decided to drive into work today because I got 100% soaked from the rain yesterday, ended up sleeping for a three hour nap from 3-6 and even was able to crash by 9pm without any issues. The scale hasn’t moved from 159.5 but TOM is also coming so I’m hoping this is TOM weight and after that I’ll be down? My goal is to drop 5 more pounds before I head home in May to see my family. 35 days, 5 pounds? I think I can!
I sent Charming a text today saying “Hey you, I was thinking about you and I hope you are okay. Xo” my friend said just drop off the radar and if I’m important to him he’ll come back. I think this is different and two I’m not really upset that he hasn’t texted me. I’m being calm and understanding of the situation. Someone died, it’s not like some guy I was dating and he just dropped off the face of the earth. Technically he didn’t even have to owe me an explanation. It was courtesy of him to text me to apologize and tell me what’s wrong even if it was after our date time. Am I right? I think I am. I know what’s wrong, I’m sure he’s going through a hard time so move on. When he’s ready (like some of you have said) He’ll come around and if he doesn’t that’s okay to. It happens. My life isn’t stopping because of it.  I’m still keeping an eye out on mr. hottie contractor (a new one) lol but I’m not going to go forward on that he’s probably attached. They all are. Haha
I’m still reading I got your number by Sophie Kinsella, it’s soo good I’m half way through. I was going to read some more last night but I was tired and went to sleep instead. My friend finished the hunger games I definitely want to read that when I’m done this book. Maybe I should join a book club? Anyways nothing new and exciting today then again is there really anything exciting for me? My life is pretty boring…Even my weight loss is at a stall…lol
Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I cancelled the

The list of the bad I ate: Mars bar, a small bag of pop chips, a sip of pepsi (I didn’t finish the can), 5 Hershey caramel kisses, a whole bunch of unsalted pistachios (I’m sure these are bad for you just high in calories), 1L of Chocolate milk.
Thoughts after all of that: “Well I’m not going to be down in weight tomorrow.”
So it hit about 11:00 am and I decided to text charming (because I didn’t hear from him on Tuesday) and I remember before I would kind of do this (before we met.) We’ll 2:30 hit and I still didn’t hear from him since my 11am text and I thought, fuck this I am not waiting around. So I send him one last text saying “Hey! You must be super busy today! We’ll just plan another day to hang out. ;)” of course in my mind no intention of ever seeing him again after that, since it’s completely disrespectful to do that to someone and I’m not going to tolerate that.
So I went over to my friends house and we (well she) made a meat loaf I was too busy bitching and munching on anything I could eat. (TOM must be coming soon…this week has been out of whack and my boobs are so sore.) 4:00 hit and I still didn’t hear from him. Truth is I thought he was probably on another date and over lapped it not paying attention to the time. Which is fine (well not fine. Fine he’s dating others, not fine not sending me a text to cancel.) around 4:20 I all of a sudden get a text message from him, turns out a friend of his killed herself, and the 10 year old son called him because he didn’t know where she was when he came home from school...Ouch talk about heartache and now I understand why I haven’t heard from him. My friend made a comment about he could be lying and I vanished that thought quickly. That is a PRETTY shitty lie to get out of seeing someone and I don’t know anyone (other than my lying psycho ex) who would even remotely joke about that.
I sent him a text saying “I’m sorry to hear about that, and I hope he’s okay” and that was the end of it. I’m not exactly the most sensitive person when it comes to suicide and I really do understand why he didn’t text me because he’s probably been really busy dealing with all of this and that is understandable and forgiven. So he now has no strikes…I don’t want to bother him so I probably won’t text him…at least maybe not for a few days? I don’t know what do you guys think? Should I say something in a day or two like “hey hope you’re doing okay?” blegh, I don’t know how to do this sort of stuff…or should I just wait until he text’s me? (I like that idea more..But of course I would haha.)  
Weight this morning: 159.5!!!!
That’s right! Even after all that crap I left the 160’s and I really didn’t think I would have!!! But I’m sure finally being able (TMI COMING!!!) to finally go to the bathroom which I’m pretty sure cleared my WHOLE system out (I have no idea what was in that meat loaf but it was amazing!) I booked my flight to go home in May (the 24 weekend/week) I really don’t feel like being alone this year for my birthday. Plus I miss my Mommy. Lol My Step Dad is paying for half of my ticket which is awesome and makes me happy. So I have a month to slim down so I can get a lot of wows and omg you look amazing! Haha I think that’s going to motivate me enough to get into a habit of working out…I have exactly 36 days!!! That’s enough time right? As long as I keep my ass in gear! My flight is booked and I’m kind of excited!!!
Goal: Go to the gym!  (Maybe I should make a habit to hit the gym at a later time? Like 5pm everyday maybe 6? That way I learn that once I’m in my house its okay to leave it, cause I’m one of those people once I step into my house I just don’t want to go anywhere!
Goal this week: Diet and no flake out on the Meet up on Friday. (I didn’t bother going to the last one!)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Keep your friends close and you’re enemies closer…

This week’s goals:  Diet.
Happy Hump day, so I get on the C-train as usual and stand in my usual corner but this morning this guy decides to look at me and ask me if I’m alright. I was looking around and my eyes were darting back in forth like I was in this dazed and confused stage. I looked at him and was like umm ya. Then continued to not look at him because I really didn’t want him to talk to me, but he decided to go on and on about stupidness with the world and be mad because some guy was wearing this red muppet hat and big head phones and he starts talking about him. The guys head phones we’re even on his head. I was awkward I’m sure everyone else was awkward and he was really really creepy and he was like this world pisses me off,  I can’t live here. And I was like why? He’s like look around you! Do you not see anything wrong with this picture?I was like umm it’s the same everywhere. Hes like yes unfortunately and when I was in Germany, in downtown Germany it’s all the same there too! ….Luckily the C-Train ride only has a few stops that I have to take. I tried ignoring him but he kept talking even when I didn’t look interested and rolled my eyes a couple of times…Must be close to a full moon?
Weight this morning: 161.5 So it’s going down nicely.
Last night I had some soup and water, after that I made a cup of green honey tea and sat down and decided to reply a couple of messages. I don’t normally like to be at the computer while I’m at home because I’m on one for 8 hours while I’m at work. But I decided to relax and reply to people. Then I went and laid and bed and read my book. Around 10pm though I was hungry, soup was never one to fill me up so I went into the kitchen grabbed a good chunk of watermelon and ate that to satisfy me until morning. It helped. I think my green tea in the morning makes me feel bloated, that’s all I’ve had so far and a cup of watermelon…
Goal weight for Sunday: Back down to 159.
P.S I have a three strike rule and I’ve decided that charming has already gotten one strike by saying “He wants alone time and to be a little more intimate” is strike one. I’m not really excited about today but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt…I swear to god though if we go on this walk and then he asks “so what do you want to do now?” I’m going to be pissed. The fact that you knew we were doing this and you couldn’t take 5 minutes of your time to plan something afterwards?  I will then call it a night remove from calling him charming to just another boy :).
P.P.S remember that 911 dispatching job I applied for but didn’t past the computer testing? It reopened up, I reapplied. I also kind of miss my mommy, I should plan a visit back home…Maybe in May for my birthday! Only problem is…NOT to stress about it and over eat…We shall see.

Everyone I hope you have a wonderful day!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I Think I can, I think I can, I KNOW I CAN!

I’m revamping because it’s not that I’m utterly failing it’s just that I am failing.(and I guess I’m not really failing because I continue to try and work toward it…but still I either go up or stay…) I stepped on the dreaded scale this morning only to have seen I’m at 163 which doesn’t surprise me because it’s 100% my fault on my wonderful binge weekend. It’s been two days and I’m still feeling the bloat though it’s gotten better throughout the day! I’m glad it’s only 4 pounds though considering I feel like an extra 20 is jiggling around in my belly.
I’ve even switched from my regular coffee this week (mostly because I haven’t gone grocery shopping and bought cream for it) to green tea with natural honey. I went to Costco with a friend yesterday and bought a huge Varity pack of oatmeal, (it was 10 bucks for 60 and at the grocery store its 4.00$ a box for 8, maybe 12?)a small watermelon (which is so juicy and yummy!) and soup because I need to start eating more soup as well as a bag of unsalted goodies (almonds, walnuts, dried cherries and cranberries, pistachio’s) which taste yummy. I want to start making my own hummus, I’m glad Friday is pay day my fridge is empty and I mean empty! Which given the fact that I’m a huge food waster I think it’s probably good my fridge is empty. (I have food don’t worry, just no fruit –other than watermelon- or veggies, which I think I’ll go buy some today.)
I don’t really have motivation for working out, not to mention my mood has been oddly mellow this week. I think I need to focus on my diet because that’s what’s failing me lately. I’m not quitting I’m just taking a different root and staying away from exercise for a while and focusing on my nutrition( I find I’m way too hungry when I workout and I over eat…)…plus I’m in game obsession mode…haha…if only I could get this obsessed about healthy eating and exercising. I gotta learn to work on the small things and NOT do everything at once.
Charming and I were discussing what to do on Wednesday.  He wants to do something more intimate…I think second “date” something intimate isn’t my cup of tea we’re still getting to know one another. So I said a walk in the park. We can hold hands there I guess that’s about as intimate as I’m going to get at this point. I can assume he means something else other than sex…but he’s a guy I don’t trust him don’t get me wrong it’s human nature to be horny but my god every guy gets a boner when their around me so it’s really not something I see and think. “Awww he likes me” it’s more like “Oh look his penis likes me” haha.
Happy Tuesday Bloggers! I should really start catching up on some of your blogs…

Monday, April 9, 2012

A new week after a long weekend.

Well blogger’s it’s Monday after a long weekend, a long binging weekend. The scale hasn’t budge in a month I’ve been at the same weight 159 for about a month now which annoys the hell out of me. So I’ll start you all off with Friday, my very first acupuncture appointment and the reason why I’m starting acupuncture is because I need to stabilize my moods. Now my Acupuncturist as soon as she went through my chart she knew exactly what was wrong with me. (It’s very interesting actually; I may even get some books on Chinese medicine.) There are five elements when it comes to Acupuncture and they are:
Wood (gallbladder, liver), Earth (Stomach/Spleen), Fire (Heart, Small Intestines, Pericardium, and Triple Warmer), Water (Kidney/Bladder), Metal (Lungs/Large Intestines)
I’m mostly Wood which is a bad thing and it’s even stronger than my fire. I have a lot of anger and resentment in me and for that reason is why I have uncontrollable mood swings. There’s a lot of Yang in me and we need to do a few treatments in order of it to balance out yin.
There’s a link for more information on it. Which I’m glad (despite my hatred for needles it wasn’t that bad.) I went to it and decided to give it a try. My acupuncturist is right if I had of gone to the Westernized medicine route they would have wanted to put me on medication instead of finding the cause root to the problems. My diet needs to completely change (clearly we knew that considering I’m over weight…) but she told me my main meals need to be Breakfast and Lunch NOT Dinner. I need to eat a lot more soup (because my body is always cold) I’m not a fan of soup and I think she means homemade soup not store bought……and not having dinner be my main meal is going to be a hard one to get use to. I also need to make sure all my watered veggies and meat are organic and I need to eat 5 small meals a day which are to be the size of my index and thumbs together in circle. She said my best friends should be Brussels sprouts and turnip, as well as hummus. (home made hummus) My next appointment is Friday.
I got a speeding ticket yesterday, which I giggled a bit when the cop pulled me over. Normally I would have been out right pissed, but I thought it was funny. I still find it funny, I’m going to go fight it to get a lower payment and no demerits. Today was weird, everything is slow, I’m slow physically I wasn’t in my own rushiness today like I am every day I just slowly walked into work. Slowly took my time getting into my uniform and slowly walked myself up to my desk. Maybe the acupuncture is having some weird affect on me, maybe it’s all in my head? I’m never like this though and my supervisor came up to me telling me about something and he repeatedly asked if I was okay, because something was off with me. I wasn’t all in your facing arguing about whatever it was he was telling me. I was like hmm okay.
Charming and I are going to get together Wednesday and hang out, what we’re doing? I don’t know yet. I’m sure I should start thinking more on that since its two days away, or it would be nice if he just planned something so I didn’t have to haha!
I’ve decided to QUIT insanity, there is no motivation what so ever to do that and just thinking about doing it makes me not want to do it. So I’m not going to do it and find other ways to motivate myself. I think this week I’ll attempt 3 days of working out. Not too much and not too little.
Have a Happy Monday!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The tables have turned and now it's your turn...

Well blogger’s I didn’t think this week was going to end but here we are (Thursday/Friday) I’m so glad I took this whole weekend off to rejuvenate (and game it out mostly). So I get this little unexpected text message from Douchebag which I guess my friend and my guy friend were both right, he was going to text me last night. I figured he’d at least wait a week maybe two before contacting me.  On Sunday I did a mean thing and teased him a bit only to turn it around and say, “Not happening your booty call days are over. I’m seeing someone” I know mean right? Well given the fact of what he’s done to me, I think it’s about time I turned the tables around on him. (not to mention I freaked out at him! I told him I was done! Remember the weekend I created an online dating account for 24 hours just to delete it. and I don’t mean it was a little freak out it was huge one and I told him I was done, that I’m walking away…I guess it’s easy for him not to believe it because I never stick to my guns…well not this time!)
Now I know Charming and I aren’t really seeing each other much and I don’t think we’re going to get together this weekend because his family is coming in from Sask, which I’m fine with because well. The less I see him the harder it is to get attached. I did let him know I wanted to see him so if he can get away great, if he can’t it’s no big deal. So douche asks where my husband was,  and the normal response would be “We’re not official so blah blah blah” of course because I didn’t want him thinking I was seeing someone. Nope not this time it was “He’s out and about”. (Now I know we’re not official hell I wouldn’t even really say were dating. We went on one coffee date…but douche doesn’t need to know that!) Douche then was all like “love me” etc so I put down my phone and went and did a workout. (20 minutes of insanity) and then I began cleaning my kitchen to get my mind off of his asshatness. So finally after my kitchen was cleaned I showered and opened up my art book and began writing (I like using art books as journals. Sometimes I draw but I’m more of a cartoon drawer than anything. I’m not very good at it.)
So finally he told me we needed to have one more good time together. The girl before would have gave in, the girl before would have allowed him to do what he did and allowed him to use her just so she could feel loved. Unfortunately the girl before no longer exists because I refuse to let her out. I shut him down and said “goodnight douche” (which of course I actually inserted his name where I put douche on here.) and the response I got was. “Oh don’t be like that”. The girl before would have felt bad and continued on going because she needed to prove…I have no clue what she needed to prove? That she still cared? Haha I have no clue!
Speak of the devil. I just got an apology text this second from him saying “sorry for being a dick last night. Hormones are gay.” The girl before wouldn’t have gotten an apology because he would have left first thing this morning if I was that girl. I’m not saying it was easy…especially after dealing with him for a year to shut him down and not continue going, because I always have to get the last word…but I did, and I think he’s starting to realize that the tables have turned. I did a complete 180 on him I am no longer at his beck and call. He had a million chances and I mean a MILLION and every time he fucked up and I’m done. I’m done being that girl. I was NEVER that girl before…somewhere from when I started dating psychopath in 2008, up until recently. I was lost and I was that girl…I hate that girl, I despise other girls who ARE that girl and for a couple of years I was everything I hated.
I didn’t acknowledge his apology and say the normal “It’s okay” instead I just responded to his hormones are gay and said Yep they are. I officially have him by the balls. As bitchy as that sounds I’m glad the tables have finally turned. He has the option to STOP texting me, because it’s not me texting him, but unfortunate for him he won’t because for some reason it’s harder for guys to let go. A buddy of mine said to me once that “Once people get to know me, it doesn’t matter what I do it’s hard for them to walk away.”  I guess it’s kind of true. Douche always complained because I went from being the hardcore bitch who only thought about herself, to a girly girl. The whole time I guess he wishes I was the hardcore girl (The girl I am this second) because he I guess was more a attracted to her, because he didn’t need to cater to her.
It’s not that I need to be catered to, I just want to know that someone cares. It’s not that I need it to be drilled in my head everyday, it’s just every so often being reassured would be nice. He couldn’t even do that, he refuse to do that. So I’m going to guess being who I am at this moment is what’s keeping that string on his balls and him being who he is, is what’s making it so easy for me to walk away.
Todays goals: Week 2 day 2 C25K
Clean my living room
Go to the meetup at the pub and meet some new friends!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Think Positive!

I decided to do Week 2 day 1 yesterday of C25K and I have to say jogging for 90 seconds instead of 30 is a look tougher than it looks, especially if you don’t focus. At some points it went by fast, others I felt like I was running longer than 90 seconds! I pushed through though and seeing a side walk with THINK POSITIVE stamped on it. How could I not?
This poster is on my phone as a cover, because holds true and sometimes we forget even though we are on this long lonely journey with ourselves. To learn to love and accept who we are, to do the things we want to do, to accomplish all we can. We forget about the small group of people who support us. Who admire us and our courageous attempt to fight the demons we’ve been battling for years. We tend to focus a lot on the hater’s the negativity (within ourselves and even the people around us) more and it becomes exhausting. The whole journey becomes exhausting because the people who don’t matter at the ones we’re so focus on trying to impress like we need to find an acceptance in this world.
I restarted this journey in January 2012 getting back up to 170 pounds and it wasn’t because people told me how fat I was. I wasn’t because I wanted a boy to like it or to make everyone around me jealous. It was because I needed to do this for myself, because I remember being happy and able to fit in clothing and looking good. It’s not just about the weight loss, once you start with that battle you begin to see things in a whole new light. You start battling everything else around you, wanting to change a lot of things. The mentality starts to kick in you start recognizing the toxic people around you. You start to want to better yourself and realize that just because you’re now thin, that if you didn’t fix the angry little fat girl on the inside. You’re still that angry little girl you’re just thin now.
Change is hard, it’s not going to come over night, but for the last couple of months I start to realize that I’m changing not just on the outside but my perspective on things. I became more selfish and stopped listening to the pettiness around me. I stopped putting people first and I learned to put myself first. I joined a meet up group which I joined to go for drinks with tomorrow.  I taught myself not to just dive right it and ruin it with charming. (that’s what I’m calling him from now on.) I’m starting to become a little more active and wanting to find hobbies and start doing things. (Probably helps that the weather is getting nicer.) But things are changing for me and it’s going in the right direction because I’m allowing it to.
I hope you all have a wonderful hump day! It’s a short week! I’m loving it.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The scale sucks, but the day is beautiful!

“Like my healthy lifestyle change, when it comes to my finances I need to keep on track and learn to say no.”

It’s going to be a BEAUTIFUL day today, high of 15 which makes me very happy! Unfortunately the nicest days I’m stuck working doubles and a doctor’s appointment at 3. (I wonder what my Doctor’s scale will say…)Which I need to go to since it’s been 6 months since my last Pap test. Yesterday was a huge accomplishment. I did C25K twice because I decided to jog to job number 2 to pick up my pay and back to my friend’s house. She came with me, and I realized for myself that I need to do week 2 because week 1 is too easy I barely huff and puff. I also need to not jog with my friend because she’s slow and I enjoy pushing myself and get far up ahead. I like being there to help support her and she did good yesterday but were two different fitness levels and she falls behind pretty quickly and slows me down. Which is fine because I’m sure me being where I’m at frustrates her as it does me being where she is? It’s just how it is. She’s more of a hot yoga girl and I’m more of a cardio intense girl. She’s a treadmill girl, I’m an outside running girl…because the truth is I feel like a hamster that wants to blow my head off running on a treadmill lol!  I also did week three insanity fitness test and here are my results.

Week 2:
Switch kicks: 105 (+5)
Power Jacks 50 (+10)
Power Knees 70 (+10)
Power Jumps: 34 (+14)
Globe Jumps: 5 (-2) haha whoops LOL
Suicide Jacks: 10 (+2)
Push up Jacks: 20 (+8)
Low Plank Oblique’s: 25 per leg (+5 each)

That’s a total of 1.5 hours of working out. The scale hasn’t budge at all for I’m putting it away for now and just working towards thoughts and feelings again, but it’s still frustrating. I know I can see myself slimming down and clothes are getting really loose but still I want to see that damn number go down! A friend of mine sent me a link to a new workout program Jamie Eason’s Live fit trainer. I’m going to do some research on it especially meals and try it. I’m never one to stick to a program but maybe that’s my problem, I can’t stand cooking half the time so precooking food for the week has been a pretty lame process I haven’t been able to start…Since I have this whole weekend off, maybe I’ll start…We shall see!

Monday, April 2, 2012

A new week!

Happy Monday to everyone, it’s a short work week for one and two I’m STILL smiling from my date on Friday. So here it is the review, We met up at starbucks for coffee, he’s very handsome, and funny also TALL. I usually date guys that are around my height. We were chit chatting losing track of time (because he had ball hockey at 8, we met up at 5.) when he looked at his watch realizing it was 7:30 and said “crap, I have to play in 30 minutes…I don’t want to go!” Which was really cute, I was like but you have to. So we get out coats on and stand at the door for a few more minutes talking (obviously stalling so the meet didn’t have to end.) finally making it to the cars, we hugged and he said. “I really want to see you again.” So there’s no waiting, there’s no wondering if he liked me or not it was just flat out said. He texted me telling me he had 5 minutes to get dressed and warmed up for ball hockey lol, most guys would have waited another day to text or later on.
We talked a bit over the weekend discussing when my next days were off. I told him next weekend (which of course is Easter weekend.) he told me he was having family over, but we could do an evening dinner thing over the weekend. This is nice he’s making room for me during a “holiday”. He wanted to do a cook me dinner than we watch a movie…I prefer to go out, only because this always ends the same way. Whenever I start seeing a guy, we’re comfortable with each other, once one of us cooks dinner at a house, we have sex, things start becoming boring. I don’t want that! I want to date, go out on dates like how a normal person would date. I don’t want to be in a comfortable stage right away, where I can just wear my track pants not even get dressed up. I don’t want him to see what I look like without makeup on (just yet) ya know? I want to for once do something that is normal and not rushed! So I’m that’s what I’m going to do.
Lets see weight loss, I’m still 158! But I’m going to try something new this week because Insanity Clearly wasn’t working well for me doing it 6 times a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday (workout video or insanity) Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday (C25K).

I need to break the ice and get into some sort of habit by doing this. Even though I’m still at 158 (between 158-162) I can still see myself getting smaller and toner but I want to make working out part of a ritual! Like when I get obsessed and addicted to a video game, (speaking of anyone play dead island?) I want fitness to be like that. Does that sound weird? Why is it I can’t get obsessed with this and stay obsessed? So the month of April I’m going to try! With my goal to get to 155, seems easy right? It would be if I would learn to stay on track! I was thinking of getting Nutrisystem, with the amount of money I spent on food anyways I’m sure it’ll be just as much if not I may save a little more. Not to mention I hate cooking, planning meals so this might just work wonders for me! I need to read more into it though, anyone care to give me advice or an opinion on it?