Thursday, April 12, 2012

I cancelled the

The list of the bad I ate: Mars bar, a small bag of pop chips, a sip of pepsi (I didn’t finish the can), 5 Hershey caramel kisses, a whole bunch of unsalted pistachios (I’m sure these are bad for you just high in calories), 1L of Chocolate milk.
Thoughts after all of that: “Well I’m not going to be down in weight tomorrow.”
So it hit about 11:00 am and I decided to text charming (because I didn’t hear from him on Tuesday) and I remember before I would kind of do this (before we met.) We’ll 2:30 hit and I still didn’t hear from him since my 11am text and I thought, fuck this I am not waiting around. So I send him one last text saying “Hey! You must be super busy today! We’ll just plan another day to hang out. ;)” of course in my mind no intention of ever seeing him again after that, since it’s completely disrespectful to do that to someone and I’m not going to tolerate that.
So I went over to my friends house and we (well she) made a meat loaf I was too busy bitching and munching on anything I could eat. (TOM must be coming soon…this week has been out of whack and my boobs are so sore.) 4:00 hit and I still didn’t hear from him. Truth is I thought he was probably on another date and over lapped it not paying attention to the time. Which is fine (well not fine. Fine he’s dating others, not fine not sending me a text to cancel.) around 4:20 I all of a sudden get a text message from him, turns out a friend of his killed herself, and the 10 year old son called him because he didn’t know where she was when he came home from school...Ouch talk about heartache and now I understand why I haven’t heard from him. My friend made a comment about he could be lying and I vanished that thought quickly. That is a PRETTY shitty lie to get out of seeing someone and I don’t know anyone (other than my lying psycho ex) who would even remotely joke about that.
I sent him a text saying “I’m sorry to hear about that, and I hope he’s okay” and that was the end of it. I’m not exactly the most sensitive person when it comes to suicide and I really do understand why he didn’t text me because he’s probably been really busy dealing with all of this and that is understandable and forgiven. So he now has no strikes…I don’t want to bother him so I probably won’t text him…at least maybe not for a few days? I don’t know what do you guys think? Should I say something in a day or two like “hey hope you’re doing okay?” blegh, I don’t know how to do this sort of stuff…or should I just wait until he text’s me? (I like that idea more..But of course I would haha.)  
Weight this morning: 159.5!!!!
That’s right! Even after all that crap I left the 160’s and I really didn’t think I would have!!! But I’m sure finally being able (TMI COMING!!!) to finally go to the bathroom which I’m pretty sure cleared my WHOLE system out (I have no idea what was in that meat loaf but it was amazing!) I booked my flight to go home in May (the 24 weekend/week) I really don’t feel like being alone this year for my birthday. Plus I miss my Mommy. Lol My Step Dad is paying for half of my ticket which is awesome and makes me happy. So I have a month to slim down so I can get a lot of wows and omg you look amazing! Haha I think that’s going to motivate me enough to get into a habit of working out…I have exactly 36 days!!! That’s enough time right? As long as I keep my ass in gear! My flight is booked and I’m kind of excited!!!
Goal: Go to the gym!  (Maybe I should make a habit to hit the gym at a later time? Like 5pm everyday maybe 6? That way I learn that once I’m in my house its okay to leave it, cause I’m one of those people once I step into my house I just don’t want to go anywhere!
Goal this week: Diet and no flake out on the Meet up on Friday. (I didn’t bother going to the last one!)

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