Well blogger’s I didn’t think this week was going to end but here we are (Thursday/Friday) I’m so glad I took this whole weekend off to rejuvenate (and game it out mostly). So I get this little unexpected text message from Douchebag which I guess my friend and my guy friend were both right, he was going to text me last night. I figured he’d at least wait a week maybe two before contacting me. On Sunday I did a mean thing and teased him a bit only to turn it around and say, “Not happening your booty call days are over. I’m seeing someone” I know mean right? Well given the fact of what he’s done to me, I think it’s about time I turned the tables around on him. (not to mention I freaked out at him! I told him I was done! Remember the weekend I created an online dating account for 24 hours just to delete it. and I don’t mean it was a little freak out it was huge one and I told him I was done, that I’m walking away…I guess it’s easy for him not to believe it because I never stick to my guns…well not this time!)
Now I know Charming and I aren’t really seeing each other much and I don’t think we’re going to get together this weekend because his family is coming in from Sask, which I’m fine with because well. The less I see him the harder it is to get attached. I did let him know I wanted to see him so if he can get away great, if he can’t it’s no big deal. So douche asks where my husband was, and the normal response would be “We’re not official so blah blah blah” of course because I didn’t want him thinking I was seeing someone. Nope not this time it was “He’s out and about”. (Now I know we’re not official hell I wouldn’t even really say were dating. We went on one coffee date…but douche doesn’t need to know that!) Douche then was all like “love me” etc so I put down my phone and went and did a workout. (20 minutes of insanity) and then I began cleaning my kitchen to get my mind off of his asshatness. So finally after my kitchen was cleaned I showered and opened up my art book and began writing (I like using art books as journals. Sometimes I draw but I’m more of a cartoon drawer than anything. I’m not very good at it.)
So finally he told me we needed to have one more good time together. The girl before would have gave in, the girl before would have allowed him to do what he did and allowed him to use her just so she could feel loved. Unfortunately the girl before no longer exists because I refuse to let her out. I shut him down and said “goodnight douche” (which of course I actually inserted his name where I put douche on here.) and the response I got was. “Oh don’t be like that”. The girl before would have felt bad and continued on going because she needed to prove…I have no clue what she needed to prove? That she still cared? Haha I have no clue!
Speak of the devil. I just got an apology text this second from him saying “sorry for being a dick last night. Hormones are gay.” The girl before wouldn’t have gotten an apology because he would have left first thing this morning if I was that girl. I’m not saying it was easy…especially after dealing with him for a year to shut him down and not continue going, because I always have to get the last word…but I did, and I think he’s starting to realize that the tables have turned. I did a complete 180 on him I am no longer at his beck and call. He had a million chances and I mean a MILLION and every time he fucked up and I’m done. I’m done being that girl. I was NEVER that girl before…somewhere from when I started dating psychopath in 2008, up until recently. I was lost and I was that girl…I hate that girl, I despise other girls who ARE that girl and for a couple of years I was everything I hated.
I didn’t acknowledge his apology and say the normal “It’s okay” instead I just responded to his hormones are gay and said Yep they are. I officially have him by the balls. As bitchy as that sounds I’m glad the tables have finally turned. He has the option to STOP texting me, because it’s not me texting him, but unfortunate for him he won’t because for some reason it’s harder for guys to let go. A buddy of mine said to me once that “Once people get to know me, it doesn’t matter what I do it’s hard for them to walk away.” I guess it’s kind of true. Douche always complained because I went from being the hardcore bitch who only thought about herself, to a girly girl. The whole time I guess he wishes I was the hardcore girl (The girl I am this second) because he I guess was more a attracted to her, because he didn’t need to cater to her.
It’s not that I need to be catered to, I just want to know that someone cares. It’s not that I need it to be drilled in my head everyday, it’s just every so often being reassured would be nice. He couldn’t even do that, he refuse to do that. So I’m going to guess being who I am at this moment is what’s keeping that string on his balls and him being who he is, is what’s making it so easy for me to walk away.
Todays goals: Week 2 day 2 C25K
Clean my living room
Go to the meetup at the pub and meet some new friends!