I decided to do Week 2 day 1 yesterday of C25K and I have to say jogging for 90 seconds instead of 30 is a look tougher than it looks, especially if you don’t focus. At some points it went by fast, others I felt like I was running longer than 90 seconds! I pushed through though and seeing a side walk with THINK POSITIVE stamped on it. How could I not?
This poster is on my phone as a cover, because holds true and sometimes we forget even though we are on this long lonely journey with ourselves. To learn to love and accept who we are, to do the things we want to do, to accomplish all we can. We forget about the small group of people who support us. Who admire us and our courageous attempt to fight the demons we’ve been battling for years. We tend to focus a lot on the hater’s the negativity (within ourselves and even the people around us) more and it becomes exhausting. The whole journey becomes exhausting because the people who don’t matter at the ones we’re so focus on trying to impress like we need to find an acceptance in this world.
I restarted this journey in January 2012 getting back up to 170 pounds and it wasn’t because people told me how fat I was. I wasn’t because I wanted a boy to like it or to make everyone around me jealous. It was because I needed to do this for myself, because I remember being happy and able to fit in clothing and looking good. It’s not just about the weight loss, once you start with that battle you begin to see things in a whole new light. You start battling everything else around you, wanting to change a lot of things. The mentality starts to kick in you start recognizing the toxic people around you. You start to want to better yourself and realize that just because you’re now thin, that if you didn’t fix the angry little fat girl on the inside. You’re still that angry little girl you’re just thin now.
Change is hard, it’s not going to come over night, but for the last couple of months I start to realize that I’m changing not just on the outside but my perspective on things. I became more selfish and stopped listening to the pettiness around me. I stopped putting people first and I learned to put myself first. I joined a meet up group which I joined to go for drinks with tomorrow. I taught myself not to just dive right it and ruin it with charming. (that’s what I’m calling him from now on.) I’m starting to become a little more active and wanting to find hobbies and start doing things. (Probably helps that the weather is getting nicer.) But things are changing for me and it’s going in the right direction because I’m allowing it to.
I hope you all have a wonderful hump day! It’s a short week! I’m loving it.